Developing a sense of self and accountability to future you

In this lesson, we will cover important areas of your life, both today and in the future. For example managing transitions between school and University or to new jobs and opportunities. We will explore the dangers of comparison and the pressure that comes with it as well as the dangers of body alteration and enhancement, both physically and mentally.  

A sense of self and accountability to your future self is central in your own personal development journey. With a strong and stable sense of self, you can more easily recognise what can help you towards your goals and what will distract you from them. In other words you are more likely to make decisions that in the future you will thank yourself for.

Key questions:

1. Do you stop and appreciate your achievements?
2. How can you be a quietly confident person?
3. What does it mean to develop sustainable professional and personal growth?

Within this lesson you will be:

• Challenged to appreciate the things you have done in your life and take strength from them.
• Inspired to recognise your potential could be far greater than you currently imagine it to be.
• Tasked to develop a powerful mindset to help you move forwards towards your goals.

Who are you? 

Let’s start with who you are. Really, who are you? 

Task one

Imagine you are attending a reunion from your primary school and your old teacher asks you…
How are you, tell me about you and what you are up to these days?

Where does your mind go? Take a minute. 

Do you think about the jobs you’ve had, the grades or accolades you’ve achieved, your happiness as an individual, or something else? 

Find a quiet space to be alone and think about how you feel about yourself. Really, not just on the surface. Here is the key question…

What do you believe about yourself? This is the most important thing in the world. Not what other people believe and even less so what you think other people believe.

This sort of internal reflection is vital. It is also vital that you appreciate what you have and how far you have come. It is captured wonderfully by Charlie Mackesy below in The Boy, the mole the fox and the horse… 

The whole book is full of points to get you thinking about what matters most. 

“Gratitude helps us trigger our positive emotions so we don’t get triggered by our negative ones.”

Omar Brownson

Task two

Can you say something you are grateful for about yourself now?

Try to go deep on this, and make sure it is about YOU. 

How easy did you find this? Consider sharing the question with someone close to you or on your social media. 

Are you accountable to future you? 

Do you upgrade or downgrade yourself? Being accountable to future you is one of the most important responsibilities you have, if not THE most important responsibility. This is best captured as, do you make decisions that future you will thank you for, or not? It is about delayed gratification. Try the short task below to see where you are at this week…

Task three

Consider that everything you do/say/think/consume is either an upgrade or downgrade on your current self.

Think of 5 moments from the past 24 hours, or week if easier.

Where did you leave yourself?

You should have a score between -5 and +5 if you award 1 point for a positive and 1 point for a negative.

Discuss these with a friend or family member. This will help get some perspective if you are being a bit harsh (or too kind) to yourself.

It is important to be critical, but not overly critical. So anything in the + numbers should be celebrated here, it means you are developing!

I think it is essential to keep in mind that in order for something to change, there needs to be change and Theo Von candidly captures that with the below quotes.

What do you think you need to change?

Take (another) moment to reflect, with the table and task below.

task four

Using the image above, which is the foundations of Edventurous Leadership – the elements of leadership excellence.

Start by looking at the groups of elements above, when asking yourself…

‘On a scale of 1 to 4, how confident am I able to say that I am [insert element group]’

Whichever one you find yourself least confident in, explore the elements of it and see what your first element to focus on might be. 

If you aren’t sure how to get going with this, email Lewis@edventurousleadership.com for further guidance to help. 

You can read more about these elements here.

It is essential to remember though that change isn’t always necessary or desirable too. 

Are there other things that you change about yourself? 

Before attempting to answer this question, watch the video below and see what you can learn from young children. It is a beautifully poignant reminder to us all. 

If you are adamant that change is needed I would probably agree with you, this is not about physical appearance though. Edventurous Leadership is on the side of who you can be, not who you are. Not because you are not great the way you are, but because we believe you can always be more. 

It is important to consider alongside this though two things:

1. What do you want to change and why? 
2. Is it within your control?

We must focus on controlling the controllables and you don’t need to have faith to understand the importance of this. 

“God give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

Reinhold Niebuhr

Body enhancement or alteration

It is important to note there are still people who have strong desires for physical changes. It is therefore vital to understand the issues and considerations relating to body enhancement or alteration, including long-term consequences.

Body enhancement or alteration refers to any modification of the body for aesthetic, cultural, or medical reasons. This includes a wide range of practices, from cosmetic surgery and tattooing to body-building and genetic modification. Here are 10 main issues and considerations associated with body enhancement or alteration, including long-term consequences:

These considerations highlight the complexity of body enhancement or alteration, involving a balance between personal desires, health, ethics, and societal influences.

Please be weary of comparisonitis

Don’t ever compare yourself to others because you end up comparing your worst attributes with others best ones. Noone puts their deepest darkest thoughts on instagram, they just don’t. It is not about impressing those people, impressing yourself matters most

Try to focus on making 8 year old you and 80 year old you proud. This is to say that you should keep playing and make decisions that in the future you will thank you for. Ultimately, create the life you want and you must do this intentionally. Don’t leave it to chance. 

Also, you notice you the most, so focus on self-respect above all else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you of yesterday. 

The spotlight effect teaches us that people don’t notice you as much as you think. So take some peace from this!

Also, with a strong sense of self, you will be better able to navigate the challenges you will face in life.

Now is time to explore these in a bit more detail. 

Developing quiet confidence and navigating the challenges you will face

As you progress through life, you will be faced with transitions from school to further education or to the workplace, and the changes that come with this including moving and losing friendship groups, being in unfamiliar situations and meeting new people. There are some top tips shared below for you to make the most of these transitions and associated challenges. 

1. Your health must come first

I say a bit more about this analogy and mental health more broadly in the video below…

2. Don’t confuse loudness with confidence

1. Sometimes the loudest person in the room is not the one who knows it all. 
2. Often, loudness is an attempt to compensate for a feeling of inadequacy.
3. Instead, look to those who people are directing their attention towards the most, these are the people with the authentic power and authority in a situation. 

3. Managing comfort, stress and growth is key when both responding to pressure to conform and when going through transitions.

1. Use the model below as some guidance for navigating these in your life…
2. Recognise that over time, you can increase your growth zone.
3. The benefits of a larger growth zone and smaller stress zone are self-evident in many ways. You will still experience the feelings that were once considered stress, but you now see this as growth, it is much harder to get you to feel stressed.
4. This means you spend more time working on what matters most, than feeling stressed about it which is generally an unhelpful emotion.
5. You will then make better decisions, create better opportunities and make the most of them when the time comes.
6. Try to notice the signs you are at a critical stage in these zones too, for example just breaking out of the comfort zone or just about to hit the stress one. At this point, control the controllables and take action, always.

GIST – Good ideas for starting things

• Remember tomorrow: remember how you will feel tomorrow about the decision you are about to make today. Keep this mantra in mind when making decisions both big and small. 
• Imagine a film crew is following you around documenting your life, what version of you do you want them to capture? Make it one that future you will thank. 
• Try our Starting Points questionnaire to learn more about yourself. 

Want to learn more? 

• Try the Introduction to Self-leadership course to discover more about key elements
• Read more about how to transition purposefully into further education on page 45 in the Eton College research journal.
• Read the truth about being a Happy Sexy Millionaire with Steven Bartlett.